It is a well known fact that I am looking for a girlfriend, or something like that. I started this search for my perfect girl a year ago. V has been looking for a girl for me from the time I was born. So, it is but natural, that she got tired of searching. I don't blame her. She loves me and wants only the best for me. But what she did is unacceptable. Laugh, at my expense.
Over a month ago, V signed me up to find a bride....guess where? No, not my Vet's dog-love book! BHARATMATRIMONY.COM.
Yes, that damned, arranged marriage site thingy. Bah!
So I asked her the evident question. Why?
Apparently it started out the same way she got me on Facebook, Blogger and Twitter. An experiment of some sorts. What started out as something experimental, ended up making me mental. Have you ever seen the form on that site. It's like a forgotten mine field. I was trapped. One move, and Boom!
So I did some serious contemplation, and decided to be perfectly honest about my opinions.
See what I wrote about me
I'm a fun loving , lazy cute pug. Many people even say that I'm a lot cuter than the Vodafone pug. I love to socialize with my human friends through Facebook, love playing games with my family and I'm also an avid blogger. I love taking baths and eating as well, and my most favourite places are any muddy place, or something with an a/c. I love travelling by car, and going to the beach!
As you may have noticed by now, I was being honest. With the complete hope that the people at BharatMatrimony would reject me. I even uploaded my photo for the same reason. But what did they do? They rejected my photo, and accepted my profile. "To be verified manually" the email said.
Bastards.
Laugh. This isn't the funniest part.
What followed in a few days, was a phone call. To V's mobile. The conversation as recounted by her was something like this:
V: Hello
BharatMatrimony (BM) : Hello madam, we are calling from Bharat Matrimony.com . Could I please speak to Mr. Sumo Prasad?
(riiiiighhht... Sumo...now that's a very common human name. At this point V realises how much fun she can have, and begins to taunt the caller)
V: Do you speak Dog?
BM: Sorry madam?
V: Dog. Do you speak dog language?
BM: No madam. I don't know that, what it is.
V: Then I'm afraid Sumo is unavailable to talk to you.
BM: Then, ok madam. You are V Prasad no? This is your number no? You are her sister no?
(wtf. did you just change my gender?)
V: Yes. I am HIS sister.
BM: Yes madam. Ok madam, I would like to verify his profile. From now on can I make all queries to you itself madam?
(now V is beginning to suppress much laughter. She manages to control it, and reply in a straight voice.)
V: Yes. That should be fine:
BM: Ok madam, first.. You only created the profile ah?
V: Yes.
BM. Ok madam, how many brother sister you have?
(now weird BM lady proceeds to ask several details about the family. Then she starts getting personal)
BM: Madam, how old is your brother?
(V is cornered. She starts converting Dog years into human years, and fails miserably at math )
V: 27
BM: Okkk... how tall is he madam? You've put 4 ft 6 inches. Is that correct?
V: Actually, he's a lot shorter than that, but that is the minimum height that you have on your site, so I had to choose that.
BM: ok madam, better keep it as that only
V: Sure, whatever you say.
BM: Madam, what is his educational qualification?
V: PHd (in sleeping)
BM: ok madam. Also madam, actually I have one question If you don't mind
(At this juncture, BM lady starts getting weird and uncomfortable)
V: Yes sure?
BM: Madam, actually, you have put bride preferences as "single/married/divorced" anything. Are you sure?
(V snorts)
V: Yes that's perfectly fine.
BM (hesitating): Madam... I want to know why no preference.
V: No, he doesn't mind anything actually.
BM (not convinced): oh ok madam.
(V is rolling on the bed, clutching her stomach while mum watches with a puzzled look. The BM asks more questions. V answers all of them with a tinge of sarcasm)
BM: Madam . Sumo Prasad's account has been verified. Actually you have more chance of getting a bride if you put photo, so please update photo and horoscope immediately to increase chances. Then I would like top speak to you about starting a premium account
(V has laughed enough for a day. Deciding she can't take any more, she postpones the premium account discussion)
V: No, I think I'll stick to the free account for now. Thanks. *click*
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Now I have a verified profile on BharatMatrimony.com, which you can see here, or through my user ID : M1889143
They reject my photos everytime I upload a pic of myself. The profile is picture less. Just goes to show what kind of people are behind theses so called "matches made in heaven, executed on the internet"
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This is a true story. All the above are facts completely true to my knowledge. Sigh.
