How A Dog Got On A Matrimony Site

I often thank God for the family He has given me. Mum, Dad and Sis-V. I love them dearly. All of them. Except V. No, no. I love her too, just that sometimes, I wonder, WHY I have to put up with her weirdness. It's not even genetic man, I mean, I'm not complaining, I just feel victimized sometimes. Obviously, I don't say this without a reason.


It is a well known fact that I am looking for a girlfriend, or something like that. I started this search for my perfect girl a year ago. V has been looking for a girl for me from the time I was born. So, it is but natural, that she got tired of searching. I don't blame her. She loves me and wants only the best for me. But what she did is unacceptable. Laugh, at my expense.


Over a month ago, V signed me up to find a bride....guess where? No, not my Vet's dog-love book! BHARATMATRIMONY.COM.


Yes, that damned, arranged marriage site thingy. Bah!

So I asked her the evident question. Why?


Apparently it started out the same way she got me on Facebook, Blogger and Twitter. An experiment of some sorts. What started out as something experimental, ended up making me mental. Have you ever seen the form on that site. It's like a forgotten mine field. I was trapped. One move, and Boom!


So I did some serious contemplation, and decided to be perfectly honest about my opinions.


See what I wrote about me

    I'm a fun loving , lazy cute pug. Many people even say that I'm a lot cuter than the Vodafone pug. I love to socialize with my human friends through Facebook, love playing games with my family and I'm also an avid blogger. I love taking baths and eating as well, and my most favourite places are any muddy place, or something with an a/c. I love travelling by car, and going to the beach!

As you may have noticed by now, I was being honest. With the complete hope that the people at BharatMatrimony would reject me. I even uploaded my photo for the same reason. But what did they do? They rejected my photo, and accepted my profile.  "To be verified manually" the email said.


Bastards.


Laugh. This isn't the funniest part.


What followed in a few days, was a phone call. To V's mobile. The conversation as recounted by her was something like this:


V: Hello


BharatMatrimony (BM) : Hello madam, we are calling from Bharat Matrimony.com . Could I please speak to Mr. Sumo Prasad?


(riiiiighhht... Sumo...now that's a very common human name. At this point V realises how much fun she can have, and begins to taunt the caller)


V: Do you speak Dog?


BM: Sorry madam?


V: Dog. Do you speak dog language?


BM: No madam. I don't know that, what it is.


V: Then I'm afraid Sumo is unavailable to talk to you.


BM: Then, ok madam. You are V Prasad no? This is your number no? You are her sister no?


(wtf. did you just change my gender?)


V: Yes. I am HIS sister.


BM: Yes madam. Ok madam, I would like to verify his profile. From now on can I make all queries to you itself madam?


(now V is beginning to suppress much laughter. She manages to control it, and reply in a straight voice.)


V: Yes. That should be fine:


BM: Ok madam, first.. You only created the profile ah?


V:  Yes.


BM. Ok madam, how many brother sister you have?


(now weird BM lady proceeds to ask several details about the family. Then she starts getting personal)


BM: Madam, how old is your brother?


(V is cornered. She starts converting Dog years into human years, and fails miserably at math )


V: 27


BM: Okkk... how tall is he madam? You've put  4 ft 6 inches. Is that correct?


V: Actually, he's a lot shorter than that, but that is the minimum height that you have on your site, so I had to choose that.


BM: ok madam, better keep it as that only


V:  Sure, whatever you say.


BM: Madam, what is his educational qualification?


V: PHd (in sleeping)


BM: ok madam. Also madam, actually I have one question If you don't mind


(At this juncture, BM lady starts getting weird and uncomfortable)


V: Yes sure?

BM: Madam, actually, you have put bride preferences as "single/married/divorced" anything. Are you sure?


(V snorts)


V: Yes that's perfectly fine.


BM (hesitating): Madam... I want to know why no preference.


V: No, he doesn't mind anything actually.


BM (not convinced): oh ok madam.


(V is rolling on the bed, clutching her stomach while mum watches with a puzzled look. The BM asks more questions. V answers all of them with a tinge of sarcasm)


BM: Madam . Sumo Prasad's account has been verified. Actually you have more chance of getting a bride if you put photo, so please update photo and horoscope immediately to increase chances. Then I would like top speak to you about starting a premium account


(V has laughed enough for a day. Deciding she can't take any more, she postpones the premium account discussion)


V: No, I think I'll stick to the free account for now. Thanks. *click*

----

Now I have a verified profile on BharatMatrimony.com, which you can see here, or through my user ID : M1889143

They reject my photos everytime I upload a pic of myself. The profile is picture less. Just goes to show what kind of people are behind theses so called "matches made in heaven, executed on the internet"

----

This is a true story. All the above are facts completely true to my knowledge. Sigh.

Delays and Loneliness

Sadly, my sister's laptop  had some problem - I think I heard V say something about the laptop's mother being very bored or something like that, so it just stopped working - and therefore, absolutely no opportunity for me to update my blog! Yes, we do have a desktop at home, but that chair! *grrrrr* SO NOT ergonomical! How do you expect me to plonk my tiny little butt, with my curled tail on that mound of fabric they call a chair?! the laptop came back in this evening and apparently it's going away tomorrow to get some more tinkering work done!

Anywoof, I'm experiencing a bout of loneliness right about now. These guys at home seem to be planning a trip somewhere. I'm not particularly sure who all, and why, but I know I ain't seeing too much of family tomorrow. Lots of discussions going on, and sometime this evening they spoke about "managing Sumo" :(

I guess I just have to wait until dawn!

**pants**

Have you noticed the heat? Initially, I thought it was just me, but now I realise it's the bloody Madras summer. I hate this city! It is SO sultry, and the worst part is I don't sweat! So all that heat, and all I can do is pant, comfort my belly on the cold floor, and pant some more. It is really terrible how the heat seems to have started to early this year. I mean, last year around this time it wasn't SO bad.  I had a horrible summer in May 09, when this one night we had a b'day party for A, and all of V's friends were over when suddenly at 9 pm the EB decided to kill the mood, by cutting the power.

Will I forget how much I panted that night? Never.

Did the power ever come back? Yes, at 4 friggin AM. 7 friggin hours of canine torment!

Hope NOTHING like that happens this summer. I can't be scraping the A/c vent with my paws and hoping some Water-to-wine like miracle will suddenly turn it on!

Time to go now. I've got to go and give mum that puppy dog look so she turns the A/c on!

W0of!

Sunday & Sis

You could say today was a good Sunday for me, because for the first time in several weeks, Sis has been home the WHOLE day. I didn't get to see her at all yesterday, because she left for work early and came home at 3 thinking she'd get some time with me, but the smart ass she is, she left her keys at home. Mum and Dad weren't home either, so she couldn't get in. So, she decided to leave for some other work, and came home only at 10.30 pm. so When I saw her after 14 hours, I was pretty excited, and I smothered her with love, for about 5 minutes.
 Sis and I have these, "I miss you" sessions when I see her after long hours. I love these sessions with her, because she is the ONLY person who I can lick to eternity without grossing out, or getting pushed away. Our "I miss you" sessions start from the moment I see her, when she calls out to me. We both freeze in our spots, expecting the other person to come close first. I wait for her to call out to me a gazillion times and never budge until she makes the first move.

After calling my name 4-5 times, she usually gives in and takes the first step towards me. I run then to her, she drops her bags, sits on the floor, no matter where we are, puts me on her lap and begins scratching behind my ears while constantly chanting "I missed you!". In response , I lick her to death and nibble on her ears. I guess it tickles her, cause she laughs uncontrollably whenever I do it, but I guess she loves it too, cause she never stops me from doing it. I throw in a kiss or two, here and there and that thrills her the most. So that was the end of Saturday, but Sunday was a different ball game altogether!

Sis woke up at around 12.30 pm, and we all thought she would head out and be busy as usual, but something changed her mind and she stayed home! I got a nice belly rub from her today, we played  "Fetch" a LOT and she took me out in the afternoon for about 15 minutes.
It was fun going out to the back of the house with her today. She clicked a crazy amount of pictures of me (see all the pics here), played "Running and Catching" with me, and waited about while I peed on every plant possible.

We came home, she washed me, gave me a treat and another belly rub. I slept for some time, and after I woke up she played with me some more, then she fed me and took me out to pee again at 7.00pm.

We thought we'd be able to stay out for a long time, but suddenly Sis spotted Choco (our neighbour's cocker spaniel) roaming about without a leash. Just as she was lamenting about how odd it is that Choco be out and it could be dangerous for me, from out of the blue, appeared Shera and Simba (again, our neighbour's giant male labs who don't seem to like me very much- I tell from the way they bark at me every time I pass their house). They surrounded me and started to smell my butt! (Eww. I hate it when dogs do that!). Sis freaked out a bit, and picked me up in her arms not-so-swiftly ( I AM 11.5 kilograms heavy , you know), and stood a deathly still while silently reassuring me that things are gonna be fine and they aren't going to attack me (I love it when she does that!). Of course, me being the giant chicken I am (regularly terrified by large plastic bags, and noisy aluminium vessels), I was scampering about in her arms, totally freaked out, my eyes almost popping out!

Luckily, Shera and Simba got bored of my butt smell, and walked away, and we made it home, alive. All in all, a fun, super Sunday with sis!

Woof!

Chewing & Not-Toys

It's almost like a fetish I tell you, and I'm not even teething anymore! I can just chew, chew, chew, and never get tired of it. When I was little, Mom, Dad and Sis didn't have a choice, because I had that excuse of "teething". Pencils, pens, sis' laptop charger, sis' mobile charger, sis' mobile, the carpet, mom's slippers and practically everything except my toys, I loved to chew on.

Even though I stopped chewing EVERYTHING eventually, I never got rid of the habit completely. I have this thing for stuff they deny me, especially sis' hair bands. That, and denim legs. *drools*.

I LOVE jeans, I always catch hold of visitors' jeans' legs and chew on it until they get bored of dragging me along while they walk. They find it endearing. I just think it's fun to watch you walk like that!

But more than denim, it's the rubber bands that get me going! I see one and I'm as good as a kleptomaniac in store without CCTV. My rubber band theft operation is better than the camouflage of chameleons! You'd never realize when and where I got the rubber band, but I'll be lying in a corner happily chewing on it, and the moment I sense you could be watching me, I just tuck the rubber band in my mouth and pretend as though nothing happened, with an innocent look to go with it. Of course, mom and sis have learned to see through me now, and I just give in when they spot me, but once in a way I like to put up a little fight and get them to chase me around the house to retrieve their belongings!!

It's fun to get them chase me, because I do decisive circles around the dining table, and since I'm a LOT closer to the ground than they are, I can see their legs, and where they're moving, and avoid them with perfect tactics. For a while. Actually, until they gang up on me and corner me.

Sigh, I love chewing on things I'm not supposed to chew.

WoOf!

Memories and Weight Loss

Well, this is an old photo too. On Mum and Dad's wedding anniversary in 2009. I was just about 10 months old then. Mum thought it would be fun to make me wear a tie and see how smart I did look. The tie was too big for me (still is) and I ended up looking like a cute idiot, but who cares. The only this is, this photo makes me feel bad about how thin I used to be... *sigh*...I've just put on SO MUCH weight in the last year it is ridiculous!

I'm working my way to getting back into shape now. I can't stop myself from eating, so my family feeds me only what I really need. Being cute has its disadvantages. People want to feed you when you're cute! Anyways... I don't intend on putting on anymore weight!!! So wish me luck in my weight loss plan!

Woof!

Coffee & Crosswords

Yep, you guessed that right!! I do love Coffee and Crosswords!

So yeah, this picture was taken when I was 3 months old. Dad used to let me help him solve crosswords that came in the newspapers everyday, while we drank coffee and I chewed on his pencils. I've given up on it though.... I just chew pencils and pee on the newspaper now. Actually I just chew my sister's hair bands a LOT :)

W00F!

The Dog Blog

This.Could.Be.An.Introduction.

With a much delayed entry into this labyrinth of blogging, I put my foot forward, or should I say my paw?

Let's get on with it.

I am Sumo.

I am a male Pug

I live in Chennai

I was born on April 4th 2008

I LOVE food.

I LOVE baths

I LOVE my daily pamper-hour

People around me think I'm pretty smart, but I'm just a well trained dumb dog. Or so I let them believe

I have no clue what I'm doing on a blog

My bark is pretty faint (anyone got any tips to make by bark louder?)

I'm looking for a fling/mate/partner (no relationships please, One-hour stands are my preference)

and yes... I'm on Facebook :)

and with that introduction, went down fighting, a few more posts.

Anyways.... nap time!

Woof!